Book Review: Quiet

 

I have so much to say about this book. My editor recommended it when I was trying to explain why I could never be successful in society. Including selling my books, interacting in social media, and in the real world. I'm just too different. And so, she recommended this book.

I loved it!

There are so many ideas I learned about in this book that help explain my relationship with the rest of the world. That is not to say that I don't need to change. On the contrary, I think that, if I choose to play the game of life successfully, then I need to think about how I can be a better introvert by pretending to be an extrovert. Will I lose my identity when I do? Possibly. Or at least part of the time. Should I do it? I'm not sure yet. that will require a much detailed introspection. One I may never share here.

But alas! Here are my main take-aways from this book:

• Let's start by saying that Extrovert or Introvert. Shy or Confident. They are not the same things!
• Dale Carnegie. I actually took the Dale Carnegie course when I used to work in the industry. I was brilliant and productive and people usually think I'll me a great leader only IF . . . I change a couple of things about my personality. Well, this book talks about how people used to live by principles, not personality. So if you lived by good principles, you were guaranteed success (so, honesty, hard work, etc, weer important). This was all replaced by personality after Dale Carnegie honed his own personality to appear something he wasn't. And thus, the age of personality began, where whatever you project is more important than what you may know or how your other values are developed. Of course, add the media into this, and we end up living in a superficial world where no one really cares about what you think, just what they think you should think, and how well you deliver that.
• Traits of the culture of character: citizenship, duty, work, golden deeds, honor, morals, reputation, manners, and integrity.
• Traits of the culture of personality. You must be: magnetic, fascinating, stunning, attractive, glowing, dominant, forceful, and energetic.
• Tony Robbins: I learned about Tony Robbins, a very natural extrovert who sells the idea of becoming powerful by becoming like him.
• Harvard Business School: A place where only extroverts are allowed because they teach extroverts how to be successful. If you are an introvert and manage to get in, then it's because you had to fake it and in there you will learn more about being a part of the culture of personality. Here, A lot of bad ideas prevail and good ones get squashed if they come from less extroverted people. Those who talk more are perceived to be more intelligent, leaders. Quick talkers are intelligent too. 
• Leaders: We need leaders who build not their egos, but the institution they run. Extrovert leaders are good with passive crowds, while introvert leaders with proactive employees. And yet, more than the leader, the most important elements in an organization’s success are proactive people.
• A few things about introverts: Some introverts talk through actions, other through an extrovert. They like being alone more than with people, and solitude can be a catalyst to innovation.
• Teamwork: Although working in teams is great, having time to work individually is just as important (private time). We also need time away from the group and to have patience and keep learning until we solve problems (helps if you work privately). Brainstorming in groups is good for social glue, but individuals works better for creativity. So performance gets worse as group size grows (except online because in a way it’s solitude work). But we can't be alone all the time, we still need people to make associations and get the juices flowing.
• Temperament: Different from extroversion or introversion. Temperament is inborn (our foundation) and personality is from experience (we build it).
• The amygdala: Does the amygdala prompts introversion? Well, it tells us to beware more or less to a situation. So high innate reactivity to stimuli will make an introvert and low reactivity will create extroverts. All humans need stimulation, but it must be balanced. If there is over-arousal, then we'll feel like we want to go home, and if there's under-arousal, then I'll feel like I need to leave the house. Both extremes aren't good. There are diff kinds of arousal and different parts of the brain that want each arousal.
• Empathy: We have lost around 40% of our empathy because of our new reality of social media, reality TV, and society's hyper-competitiveness.
• Doers and Watchers: There are 2 types of people, those who watch and wait (20%) and those who just do it (80%).  Seems to work in the animal world too. That 20% are usually the writers, artists, inventors, and innovators.
• Rewards: Extroverts seek rewards more than introverts. Their dopamine pathways are more active. Looks like most people do things to avoid threats, seek rewards, or get into “flow” which is a state of enjoying the work just for the work.
• Culture matters: Different cultures look at introverts and extroverts in a different light. For example, many Asian cultures are team-oriented (harmony, humility, quiet, sensitivity), while Western culture is about the individual (verbal skills, boldness). All cultures have pros and cons, but they prove that environment DOES affect our personality. For example, in the US, if you don’t have charisma, you’ll he disrespected and under appreciated.
• Personality: Our personalities are not only affected by environment. It is also affected by situations sometimes. We have fixed traits and free traits and they exist together. If my fixed trait is to be an introvert, then I can fix it to act as an extrovert in different situations, but not all the time. 
• Restorative practices: We are forced to act out of character all the time. It can be exhausting and could lead to health issues. So to have restorative practices in place is healthy. If you suppress negative emotions you begin to look at life in a negative way.
• Working together: Extroverts need to hear from the introverts, so introverts must become a bit of extroverts to communicate ideas. Extroverts and introverts complement each other.
• Friendship: Extroverts are social, but not the best friends. Introverts aren't the best friends either. The best friends are those people with a high degree of agreeableness. This could be anyone!
• Breaking Stereotypes: Not all women are from Venus and all men are from Mars. Some women are from Mars and some men are from Venus!
• Who do we seek? Introverts seek nice people and extroverts seek competitive people. Remember that each person’s definition of respect is different. What one person does to  be respectful can be disrespectful to others.

Everything I wrote here is explained in the book with evidence and research. It was really interesting. I really recommend this book to everyone.

Cheers!

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